If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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