Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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