I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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