i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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