I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize