first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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