like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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