Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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