ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
