I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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