It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
