Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
