i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
