Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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