it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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