So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
