no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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