what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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