He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
