My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
