i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
