Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
