I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
pray to the hookup gods
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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