On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
