: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
