You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
