I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
