I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
