Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
