Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
