i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
