do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
