just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
