Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
