Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
