my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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