I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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