Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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