From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
