Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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