It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
