you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
