Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
