I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
