At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
