y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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