that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
