im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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