does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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