if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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