im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
