my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
