3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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