just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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