Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
