Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
