When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
