Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
