i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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