Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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