And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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