We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
