i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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