sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
